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<_Stranger's Log. I like it.

I look outside and the world is shutting down. I could talk about how it's the end of times but that never helped anyone. The world has seen two World Wars, various plagues and illnesses that have affected millions, the development of nuclear energy and weapons, political strife, the rise and fall of nations and empires and everything in between since the dawn of time. For someone somewhere it's always been "the end of time". But the future never stops coming.

Today's episode is scary. Being diligent about being clean and logical is the best option for everyone right now, whether you're quarantined or still have to leave home for work or other reasons. Being logical is our friend. This is requiring people to think as a community. Such a lost art in my opinion. Luckily, tomorrow's episode hasn't been scripted yet.

The past two years I've spent most of my time going out into the world trying to make a name for myself. Running studio sessions, releasing an EP, finishing College, interning and networking, brushing shoulders with freelancing. I would get home from late nights and found myself rewatching Cowboy Bebop. Episode 11, "Toys in the Attic", has a great line delivered from Jet, an intergalactic science fiction bounty hunter, who labels his line of work as simply "freelancing". In a way, I related. I felt like a new age bounty hunter: everyday was totally different, the unexpected was expected and the expected was unexpected. The next job was never guaranteed unless you made a good name for yourself. I went in with confidence. I left with less.

I feel like I'm waking up for the first time in my life. My age group [younger Millennial, older Gen Z crowd] grew up playing little league games that didn't keep score, everyone got a trophy just for participating in events, watching Disney movies that taught us that we were all "under-appreciated underdogs" with issues and because of that would come out on top and be deemed valid by the world as superstars. That was the goal. That was the dream pitched to us.

What a load of bullshit. We were lied to, I was lied to. Even worse; without realizing it, I believed it. I told myself I saw through it. I was a liar.

I'm not where I want to be in life right now, as a person and as many things. I was never even excellent at anything from an analytical standpoint: I'm a joke to the professional world. "Good enough" doesn't cut it. I've been average. Lukewarm. But that's just where I am right now. 23 years old. I'm not chasing popularity, I don't want to change the world. I don't have that in me, nor would anyone want me to be "the guy". This is my story. Not a ladder to climb, it's a map to explore. Exploration is its own reward.

The map is currently shutting down everywhere though, so I'm okay right here for now. I am pissed. Scared. I think everyone is though. I'd be the most self-conceited asshole to compare my status to the world right now, I'm not doing that. This is a scary time for everyone. But we are biased by our own perception. The world reflects back._>

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